Most women have been taught since childhood to be “good little
girls”, “behave like a lady”, and “grin and bear it”. Remember hearing
the saying “little girls are made of sugar and spice, and all things
nice”?
Fast forward to the 21st century, where women are now
allowed to be tough, to say NO, to speak their mind, to become CEO’s and
to enjoy sex. Women have become more assertive and in tune to their
needs, wants and desires.
Some men like the fact that women are
able to “talk the talk” and “walk the walk”, while others feel
intimidated by it. Without a doubt this change has had great impact on
relationships between men and women, specifically the actions and
behaviors of women.
According to 2012 statistics from
the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 14% of married women have
cheated compared to 22% of married men. Although women are not exceeding
men in cheating, they are having emotional affairs and sex behind their
man’s back. However, when a woman cheats, she is usually cheating for
emotional intimacy while a man usually cheats for physical pleasure.
Women
are still emotionally invested in their relationships. They want to
feel desired, wanted and irresistable. It’s quite phenomenal how far
women have come in this world, from women’s lib, entering the workforce,
becoming professionals, breadwinners of the family, and now getting
their needs met; even if it means cheating. Now get ready to see what I
reveal about why women cheat.
1. Lack of attention and intimacy:
How
long can you go without receiving love and attention before you look
somewhere else? Some can go for only days or weeks, and others can go
for years. However, in general, women need and desire intimacy, physical
touch, and mental and emotional attention. If you are not receiving
this from your husband or boyfriend, it will only be a matter of time
and you may seek it from another i.e. a caring guy friend, the attentive
guy who feeds your emotional needs at your workplace, or the hot
trainer at the gym. Women deprived of attention, compliments, and
compassion; usually have emotional affairs. That doesn’t mean it won’t
lead to sex but initially they crave the attention and compassion that
has been absent from their relationship.
2. Revenge:
Being
cheated on is a very difficult act to forgive. For those of you who
have been cheated on, you know how awful it feels. You feel deceived,
hurt, angry, sad, numb and even violated. It also affects your
self-esteem. At the moment you find out your man cheated, your whole
body begins to shake, you begin to sweat, your stomach drops, and you
feel nauseated. Clearly, it negatively affects your relationship, your
mood, behavior, and your ability to trust the cheater ever again. When
you have been cheated on, some of you may want to get revenge by making
them feel the way you felt. This can lead you, to do the cheating next.
The biggest truth is that cheating never solves a relationship problem.
Communication, assertiveness and increasing passion and romance in your
relationship are a much better solution.
3. Bad sex:
Women
need to feel desired and experience REAL orgasms during sex. If you are
getting bad sex, not enough sex, non-emotional sex, or
“wham-bam-thank-you-mam” sex, you may eventually lose interest in the
relationship and look elsewhere for GOOD sex! This creates temptation to
seek sexual or emotional satisfaction elsewhere. In my opinion, it’s
best to communicate your needs to your man with the hopes that he will
step it up a notch. You can do this on your own or with the help of a
sex therapist.
4. Weight loss/plastic surgery:
Male
attention increases quickly after a boob job, a butt implant or weight
loss, and so does your self-confidence. With all this male attention,
your temptation to cheat rises, and it takes more self-control to resist
some of those male offers. Once you realize other guys want you, your
desire to act on it may have you feeling euphoric. However, be careful,
act wisely and make your pros and cons list.
5. Financial independence:
When
you feel financially dependent on your husband or boyfriend, it’s more
difficult to speak up in arguments or leave the relationship. The fear
of being alone and financially unstable keeps you in a one-down
position. Now that women make their own money, enjoy working, and are
good at it, the need to stay in an unhappy relationship is not
necessary. That feeling of power and independence can be like seeing the
red carpet laid out for you; all the way to those other fish in the
sea.
6. Low self-esteem:
When you feel
insecure about yourself, you have a need to seek validation from others.
This can be in the form of sexual, emotional, or intellectual
attention. When you don’t love or value yourself, you may project that
onto the person you are in a relationship with, and believe they don’t
love or value you. Even if your husband or boyfriend loves you greatly,
you still may cheat because you find it hard to accept their
unconditional love. I suggest reading one of the many self-help books
out there on building your self-esteem, or get some counseling to help
improve self-confidence.
7. Feeling under-appreciated:
When
you are in a relationship, you like to please your man. Cooking a
romantic dinner, buying sexy lingerie, and listening with your heart,
are just a few ways you may show your love and appreciation. So what
happens when you don’t hear “thank you, please or I love you.” Holidays
and birthdays come and you don’t receive anything meaningful, nothing at
all, not even a verbal acknowledgement. We all have thresholds, and
once yours is reached, you may decide to act on a “thank you, please, or
I love you” coming from another direction. Let your man know he may
lose you if he continues to take you for granted.
8. Bored:
He
doesn’t spray on that good smelling cologne anymore, his clothing is
wrinkled, stained or way out-of- date. When he comes home from work
(assuming he has a job), it’s the same old thing; “what’s for dinner”?
When the weekend comes, he says he’s tired and just wants to relax at
home, or go out to the same sports bar you go every weekend. The routine
is the same over and over again. You are no longer on the same page.
You barely have anything in common. You are feeling emotionally distant
from him. You find yourself looking at other prospects and fantasize
about being with someone else. You begin to feel excited (something you
haven’t felt in “forever”) just thinking about it. There are many ways
to spice up an old, tired relationship. Boredom is something that can be
resolved with a little, or sometimes a moderate amount of effort. It
requires both of you introducing new ideas and behaviors, and some
spontaneity. Be sure of what you want.
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